Islands
“If the Creator of all life, the One who made the heavens and the earth, exists in community, then why wouldn’t we? If the One who doesn’t need anything is three-in-one, then why would we ever believe we can operate alone?”
“And let us consider one another in order to provoke love and good works, not neglecting to gather together, as some are in the habit of doing, but encouraging each other, and all the more as you see the day approaching.” (Hebrews 10:24-25 CSB)
I’ve been hearing it too much lately from other ladies. I’ve been feeling it too much myself—this feeling of isolation. Despite being a “people person” and an extrovert, despite being surrounded by people, despite having wonderful friends, there is this feeling of separation and loneliness. And it’s a lie of the enemy.
I’m going to be transparent today about something I’ve struggled with lately. I’m writing from the middle of the struggle instead of from the other side—from the side of victory. For those of you in ministry, I think you’ll identify with me. And for those of you not in ministry, I pray you’ll be encouraged because I know you struggle too.
We aren’t islands, but we so often live like them—disconnected. Floating. I’ll admit there are times I want to live this way, but it’s always when I am in a dark place. It’s when I want to isolate to protect myself from being hurt or when I’ve already been hurt. I’m betting some of you are the same way, pulling away from community for several reasons. But we aren’t wired to live this way.
I love community, and I thrive on talking to people and getting to know them. But somewhere along the way, and partly because of being in ministry, I’ve put up some walls.
Here’s what the walls are for:
1. Keeping people out
Because my husband is a minister, there’s a certain element of transparency I can’t have with everyone. And for someone like me who would rather be an open book, this is hard. I’ve learned that while people in ministry are constantly surrounded by people, they often feel isolated. Ministry is isolating. It’s the part no one warned me about. But, I think there is hope for us in this position. If you aren’t in ministry, I bet you keep people out at times too. I bet you isolate yourself too.
2. Keeping yourself in
I’ve realized so many women struggle with allowing others to truly know them. They’re afraid of letting their guards down and of just being real. They’re afraid of sharing their sins and struggles. So instead, we put on a face for church and smile and socialize on an ankle-deep level. Then we go home and feel completely unknown by the very people who are supposed to be family.
God designed something so much better for us.
God exists in community within the trinity. We see this in Genesis when He says, “Let us make man in our image” (see 1:26). We aren’t above God, right? If the Creator of all life, the One who made the heavens and the earth, exists in community, then why wouldn’t we? If the One who doesn’t need anything is three-in-one, then why would we ever believe we can operate alone? Some of us convince ourselves—maybe because of previous hurt—that we don’t need others. We convince ourselves that it’s too much work to invest in relationships because we’re already drained. We convince ourselves that we aren’t needed or missed or valued and that we have nothing important to contribute. And this is in direct opposition to everything God says about us in His Word.
The Lord recognized our need for others (Genesis 2:18). As God observed Adam after forming him, He knew it wasn’t good for Adam to be alone. We typically apply this to marriage only, but it’s broader than that. We aren’t created to walk alone. We need other believers to walk with us.
Here’s the deal: the enemy would love to convince you that you don’t need other people. He would love to get you alone—Satan does his best work there. I know. His lies are ugly and they penetrate deeply. They take root quickly. It’s when we isolate that he can speak untruth to us. And so often, we accept his lies instead of turning to God’s Word and to godly community to remind us of truth.
I’ve done this too much lately. I’ve allowed the enemy to rob me in many ways, convincing me of some of the very things I’ve mentioned. And I’m betting there are a lot of you struggling with this too. I don’t have a simple three-point solution, but I do know God made us for something better. We’ll exist in community with Him and with every other believer in Heaven for all eternity. We’ll stand beside one another and exalt the Lord forever. It’ll be the fulfillment of God’s perfect intention. But until then—right now—we need community. Run to it. Get out of isolation. Let’s stop accepting lies which don’t come from our Father. And let’s begin to reflect the beautiful community we’ll experience in heaven. It won’t be perfect, but it’ll honor Jesus.
I would love to give someone this book from Jennie Allen: Find Your People
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